i used to shun and dislike other women in general because i had internalized that women were weak, cowardly, and stupid, and i didn’t want to be like them. i didn’t even want to be associated with them. i wanted to be tough and smart like the men in my family. my family never told me women were inferior. i absorbed it from the culture. i surrounded myself with men and my only friendships were with men. in my culture, women shouldn’t be hanging around with unrelated men, but i preferred to take shit for that than to take shit for being a “typical woman”. it took a lot of reeducation to unbrainwash myself.
I did the same thing in my teen years. And it wasn’t even feminism that took me out of it but a job I got at Bath and Body Works. I worked with all women and suddenly I saw how many there were “like me”. I thought it was an aberration for a time and then I started making friends online and suddenly there were more “like me” (not like those crazy emotional prissy too-feminine OTHER women). But this too I figured was an aberration. And then, somewhere in there over the years of blogging with a feminist lens and reading the pieces of others I realized that I’d been duped.